What LOVE Language Do You Speak?

9 Feb

Valentine’s Day is here! One formal day each year completely devoted to love and passion. Unfortunately, it’s not all hearts and flowers. Instead of sweets and poetry, this special day comes heavy laden with many expectations. Each person has a different idea of what “romantic” means.

Some folks think the height of romance is receiving long-stemmed roses, a box of decadent chocolates and being whisked away to some clandestine location to be pampered, wined, dined and generally adored. While another person may think it’s incredibly romantic to have a day off from work to spend quality time with their mate, who by the way, just took out the trash and offered to make dinner.

With such varied desires and opinions, it is amazing we ever manage to get it right.

So, what love language do you speak?

By defining what your priorities are in love, you can release the pressures on romantic relating and the unrealistic expectation that your sweetie can read your mind and do the exact thing you want them to do in order to make you feel valued.  Save yourself the unnecessary disappointment.  Knowing what makes you feel most loved allows for ease in communicating those needs and desires.  In fact, this knowledge can enhance every kind of relationship you have with friends, co-workers and family.

In his book “The 5 Love Languages”, 30 year veteran marriage counselor Gary Chapman, outlines 5 very different languages of love.

1. Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words “I love you” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

2. Quality Time
In the vernacular of quality time, nothing says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

3. Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

4. Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “acts of service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

5. Physical Touch
This language is not all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is physical touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

What that means is, if your sweetheart’s primary love language is acts of service, then all the sweet talk in the world won’t get you far.  By the same token, if you want to be lavished with diamonds and a bed of roses but your partner is more likely to offer hugs and kisses, then you may want to go ahead and buy yourself some flowers and that necklace you have had your eye on.  Of course, it never hurts to ask for what you want or leave little playful (obvious) hints.

Either way, learning what love language you speak will simplify the whole process of sharing. It may not come naturally to write little love notes or remember to plan ahead to make a special gift but taking the time and making the effort can build intimacy and show how much you really care.

It’s true what they say,  it really is the thought  that counts.

Take the assessment to find out what your primary love language is at http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/

One Response to “What LOVE Language Do You Speak?”


  1. Tweets that mention What LOVE Language Do You Speak? « -- Topsy.com - February 10, 2011

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by lynnivere and lynnivere, Lynn Van Noy LMT CH. Lynn Van Noy LMT CH said: Check out my latest column!! What LOVE Language Do You Speak?? which do u prefer? a kiss, a giftee, a hawt date? http://wp.me/pBpjO-oP […]


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